Stop Doing This If You’re Single
The One Thing You Should Really Stop Doing If You’re Single
If you’re like me, every single time you log onto Facebook or check out Instagram, someone else you know is announcing that they’re engaged and are so excited to be marrying their best friend. You feel happy for them, of course, but there’s also this tiny part of your brain that’s like, “Oh my God, EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED! I need to get it together.”
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Combine this social media stuff with pressure from family or friends or whomever about your relationship status, and you can end up feeling pretty focused on finding The One on OkCupid or at the bar or in the produce section at your local grocery store. But if you’re only focused on finding your soulmate as you’re dating, you’re doing yourself a disservice. No, you don’t want to waste time going out with people who are absolutely wrong for you. At the same time, there’s something to be said for dating different types of people instead of worrying about whether this person has all of the traits you need in a life partner before you commit to getting drinks or dinner with them.
There’s just no need to try to cast every single date for the role of Soulmate/The One. Sometimes it’s okay if they end up filling the role of Person I’m Casually Dating and We’ll See Where it Goes or Guy I’m Interested In But Am Still Figuring Everything Out. Every date you go on helps you to get better at dating, and every person you spend time with shows you what you do/don’t want in a significant other, leading you closer to filling the role of Person I Will Be With Forever at some point.
Plus, dating is so much more relaxing when you’re not worrying about whether every guy/girl is going to end up being your future spouse, you know? Even if they don’t, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that dating sucks or that person sucks. Finding the right person for you SHOULD be a long, slow process since you’re, you know, ideally making a lifetime commitment and all.
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Being Single Shouldn’t Make You Feel Like You’re at the Bottom of the Food Chain
When you’re a single person, you regularly have to field questions such as:
- You’re such a catch, why are you single?
- Have you tried online dating?
- Would you want to meet my friend/co-worker/guy who does my taxes? I actually don’t know if you have anything in common, but you’re both single so….there’s something, right?
- Are you being open-minded enough as you date?
In reality, I’m actually happy investing my time into my work and my friends and my hobbies as I try to find a relationship I can really get excited about. And yet it’s like being single is viewed as a problem that needs fixing, or at least explaining. But the people who make you feel weird about being single are the same people who say things like, “You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else” and other things of that nature.
It’s all backwards when you think about it. People who are in relationships don’t get asked why they’re in relationships when they could be single and free to do whatever they want with whomever they want. Relationship status is a food chain, and single people have become the dung beetles or the little field mice doomed to get swooped up by owls at night, even if we may feel like fierce tigers or cute little otters cracking mussels open on our chests.
Instead of analyzing people according to relationship status, why not look at them according to happiness level? I know a lot of single people who are really happy. I know a lot of people who are in relationships and are really happy. I also know a lot of people, both single and taken, who are fairly miserable. To me, if you’re content with your life, that’s what really matters. It’s not about who you are/are not cuddling with on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Instead of inquiring about someone’s relationship status, maybe let’s redirect and find out about their outlook on life and what we, as a human race, can do to improve that outlook if it’s not as great as it could be.